Random Thoughts About Marriage……

September 16, 2006 at 10:58 pm (Agony and Ecstacy, College, General stuff)

Thoughts on marriage…

So in cultural anthropology, we discussed arranged marriages in class. In this country, about ½ of all marriages end in divorce court. However, 85% of arraigned marriages however are successful. Why is that?

For one, this western culture blows the idea of romance out of epic proportions. It’s a huge trap that you’re supposed to one day instantaneously find this perfect person who’s got great looks and body and says all the right things and can read your mind and rock your socks off in bed and you’ll have this intense amount of feelings forever and will make life all better. It’s so not true. Many people end up passing the right person for them by for stupid reasons. (I’m not stating that you shouldn’t have an attraction or good sex with your mate at all. However, that shouldn’t be the only motivating factor in your relationship either….) If you’re not happy with yourself by yourself or your life as is, then how are you going to share it with anybody else? And another thing, how the hell are you going to be with someone if you don’t have a firm grasp of who you are as a person? You have to know that going in otherwise your identity will disappear and things will go down the window….

And, I don’t dig the concept of soul mates, at least not in the romantic sense. I believe a soul mate can be anyone you were meant to meet along life’s path (a friend, a family member) that you share a strong bond with. In romance, I believe in the term life mate, a person who will be your lover, your best friend and will share the journey of your life with you, where you’ll both be together but still individuals. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to toss out who you or your mate is as a person, and many people, my parents and myself included have fallen into that trap.

Three, it’s all about work. Not only work as in treating your marriage like a job you must begrudgingly go to everyday but as an investment. You have to put time and effort and have a united front against troubles that abound. It seems to me lately; in marriages brides and grooms spend more time focusing on the actual ceremony and party than putting effort into knowing their spouses and working through problems. My friend Aurora, who recently got married, told me that it takes a lot of work and communication to keep a happy stable relationship. If you don’t have a strong foundation of friendship/mature love to stand on when sometimes the physical fades, then you’re screwed. I’m not saying however that you should ignore you or your mate’s physical needs. Relationships need a lot of nurturing, a lot of communication and effort. But, most things worth doing aren’t easy. Not to say every day is going to be a picnic but everyday isn’t going to be chain gang work either.

I believe love is an ever evolving animal, but a beautiful one, even though at times it can sting.

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2 Comments

  1. struht said,

    True words… so very true.

  2. joy said,

    My boyfriend and I are somewheat “unorthodox.” We’ve only ever dated each other and we’ve been doing so since the freshman year of high school. (We’re now college freshmen).

    I was thinking about how people blow love out of proportion into this great thing that’s going to make you feel happy all the time as long as you’re with the right person. That’s just silly. Everyone’s different and no one is going to go through life without fighting. Like you said, we just have to work with the person. If the you or the other person isn’t willing to work at it, then maybe a relationship is no the best thing for them at the moment.

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