So, I returned on friday with all of my materials and was ready to transfer. This is what happened…..
Supervisor: Where did you set up your tcf account?
Me: Tcf Lakeview
Supervisor: And where did you deposit this check?
Me: Here last friday, this is my normal bank (Closest one to the house)
Supervisor: I’m sorry but I can’t transfer this amount of money from your account….
Me:….What……Supervisor: (Turns computer monitor) See your ID number is all 9’s. If you’re going to be transfering money out of your account you must have your pin and an ID number.
Dad: (nearby) What?!!! So you’re saying that she can deposit her money but she can’t take it out?
Supervisor: She can withdraw money but only $250 at a time with her pin, she’ll have to go back to the branch in which she created her account and have them fix it for her….
Now that was a falsehood when she said it. You see, not only a year ago, I had overage checks that I transfered and I got money that was transfered from the ‘rents to my account that was several thousand dollars without a hitch and I was able to take out my money quickly without any problems. If the ID issue was true, wouldn’t they have flagged my account sooner? And, wouldn’t this had been pertanent info, oh I don’t know FOUR years ago when the account was created?
See, at the time my account was created I was in High school and I hadn’t gotten my state ID yet, The branch manager of the bank on Wilson where I used to live created the account for me. I’ve never had problems with large sums of money until today.
No one in my family likes taking NO for an answer so we waited and talked with the Asst. Manager. She gave us a song and dance that her hands were tied and that she can’t approve it otherwise she’d get in trouble with the Branch manager (if that were so then whats the point of being an assistant manager?) She talked to the supervisor about the situation and supervisor said with a severe huff “You can approve it but i’m not going to approve it!” It was kinda shocking considering me and dad were still in the ROOM at the time. But I digress, then the supervisor changed her story again saying that it was the large sum of money that was why I couldn’t transfer it, which again I knew to be a falsehood (See above).
Let me guess: Is it because I sport the life tan* and the neighborhood which I currently live in/grew up in isn’t nice and I obviously must be trying to scam money even though I work hard at the asscrack of dawn til sundown and its my money in my own account? Shouldn’t I hypotetically be able to do what I want with it including withdraw it all and shit on it because its my money?! After an hour me and dad just politely left and headded home.
On the way home, I called their customer service line and they told me that what the Supervisor and Asst. Manager told me were lies. I should be able to transfer my own damn money without any problems. I transfered it in bits and pieces over the phone, tomorrow, I’m going to my original bank and settling this shit once and for all.
Summary: They flat out lied and treated me like a criminal when I was trying to get money out of my own fucking account. As soon as this is resolved tomorrow and I’m sure that my student loan payments are automated to my Wa Mu Account, I’m closing down my TCF account. I’ve had it, this is the straw that broke Krys’ back. Gods I just was hoping that it wasn’t a case of them being discrimilatory and that I was imagining things, but it’s not. I’m not a person that even talks about most of the racist bs that goes on for me at a daily basis but this shit is dead wrong and its 2007? What the hell?
I feel that I should give a post on why I haven’t posted in so long. I’ve had a long year currently and I wanted to share the ups and downs.
Last year ended with me graduating school and thinking about, “What now?” You see, most of my young life has been about the goal of graduating college since only a handful of people in my family ever have. Hell graduating High School was an accomplishment because some members of my family couldn’t due to life issues popping up. I went on a 2 week cruise which was marvolous but my battery had shortnened out. I was very tired. I didn’t have my get up and go like I used to. I spent the next three months looking for work with little to no success. The most common misconception they give you about college is you’ll always be able to find a job because they’ll be throwing it at you like Pac Man Jones throws singles. It’s not like that at all. I ran into several different walls while looking for work. One was the not enough experience wall, in which I had the experience just not in a corporate setting with a corporate title to back it up. I would of had more but college it was hard to find jobs in my field in a small, and severely racially stunted town. The funniest wall was that because of my degree I was considered “too qualified” for certain jobs and programs… I mean I didn’t care because I have bills to still pay. Ahh well.
For a while I went to a Bank Training program but found no work aftewards. I was scared and stressed out because my college bills were coming to haunt me. I didn’t want to hang out with friends because I felt like a loser and it cut my self confidence in 1/2. To take my mind off of it I took computer cert classes to get my certification in things. I currently have one in Microsoft Excel, I have to take the test for microsoft Word and self study for PP. In April, I went on an interview and they offered me a job. I’ve been working at that company since then and came from a contracter to a salaried employee. The company is good, with its flaws and I’ll be able to take opportunities to learn things and their benefits aren’t too shabby. I work currently in tech support, which could be called the red headed stepchild of IT. The key to it is paying attention to detail, respect and listening. Most things can be solved in a series of steps.
I’m also soon to be teaching computer classes at the center that I’m getting my certifications at. Which is cool though I’m nervous.
I’m also currently single. I want to feel a connection, something that isn’t hollow. I want to touch and be touched, I want to be able to connect to someone else, I don’t have any grand designs on romance and I don’t want just to shag someone blindly. I just want to make a new friendship. Eventually, down the line to love and be loved again, but I’d rather not rush it.
But, I don’t give up on the thought that one day I’ll meet someone that’s my equal that I can walk down life’s path with. I may get lonely sometimes, horny most times and sad sometimes. But I know this too shall pass….
I’m lonely, a bit sad at times and i’m not even going to get into my sex drive, but I know it will not be like this forever. And this too shall pass…..
Why myspace isn’t the devil, why I wish Jack Thompson would hush and why I think good parenting will rule the day…
Part the 1st: Why myspace ain’t the devil…
I’ve been hearing a lot of things lately about Myspace and how parents are basically lauding it as a place for perverts. Now, not to say that Myspace or the Internet doesn’t have its fair share of perverts, however I would like to agree that I believe that news and shows have been overexaggerating cases in order to both instill fear in parents who already don’t approve of technology and to boost ratings. With that being said…
Here’s an interesting fact for you, do you know that most cases of Child Abuse come from someone a child already knows? Yup, 90-95% of Child abuse survivors were attacked by someone they knew previously (60% family members and 30% a person in their community ex. family friend, teacher, clergy member etc.) Now, i’m not saying that you shouldn’t ensure that your kid is not prepared to go on the inter-webs, which might be hard for some parents who aren’t as tech savvy as their children (My parents went through the same problem.) Here be some tips for those who are not sure how to approach this problem….
Content Blockers are your friend: Invest in content blockers, along with pop up blockers so that your kids are less likely to run into bad content ex. porn or pop up ads.
Sit down with your kids and talk to them: Continue to keep communication with your teenage kids as open and positive about computers as you can. Keep talking with them about their on-line lives, friends, and activities, just as you would about other friends and activities.
Lay down the Rules: You and your kids can make up a list of Internet House rules that they can abide by.
You can make the difference: Teach your kid about proper behavior on the net. The last thing you want to do is make up the next generation of abusive trolls…
To Meet or not too meet: Don’t encourage your teen to meet any of their friends offline, at least not alone unless you’re there. Even though most of the time it is another teen or preteen, sometimes it can be a person a lot older.
Know what’s up: Know what chat rooms and message boards your kids frequent. Also, make sure you know what websites they visit and insure that it doesn’t have inappropriate content or post too much info and pictures of themselves …
Make it out in the Open: Make sure that you keep the computer in a common area of the house, not the kids room.
Straight up: Encourage your teens to tell you if something or someone on-line makes them feel uncomfortable or threatened. Stay calm and remind your kids they are not in trouble for bringing something to your attention. (It is important that your teen does not think that their computer privileges could be taken away.)
Talk to your teenagers about online adult content and pornography, and direct them to positive sites about health and sexuality.
Filtering and protection is your friend too: Teach your teens never to give out personal information without your permission when using e-mail, chat rooms, or instant messaging, filling out registration forms and personal profiles, and entering on-line contests. Also, help protect them from spam. Tell your teens not to give out their e-mail address on-line, not to respond to junk mail, and to use e-mail filters.
Buying things: Make sure your kid doesn’t buy anything without your knowledge and make sure that when they do that they buy it from a BBB site and also insure that they know about identity theft.
Don’t forget to also talk to your kids about Child Abuse and abduction: tell them what behavior or talk is right with someone they know Give them the tools to protect themselves on and offline.
The second part: Why Jack Thompson gets on me and most gamers nerves.
There is a lawyer in Florida by the name of Jack Thompson, if you read the news or are a video game aficionado, you know exactly who i’m talking about.
He’s launched high level cruisades against RockStar (Against GTA:SA’s Hot Coffee Mod, which actually isn’t in the actual game content, and most people would have to put in a mod to draw it out, and Bully, even before the game came out, which ended up being a game against the forementioned title) , the gaming industry and gamers themselves, and pretty much anyone who disagrees with his point of view that video games are killing simulators and that be the end of it.
I’m a 21 year old black woman. I’ve been playing video games since Atari and Super Nes. I’ve been playing fighting games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter for nigh on 2 decades, I’ve played shooting games like “Return to Castle Wolfenstein” and “Doom” since I had my first computer, which was Win 95, with Dos mind you (Yeah, i’m that kind of geek gangsta.) Have I shot or killed anyone? No, even though most people would automatically assume that I would become another violence statistic just based on where I grew up and my poor economic status alone, let alone the fact that I’m a gamer. I got A’s and B’s and was on the honor roll all the way through College, I have a BS in CIS, I volunteer with my community. There are lots of people like me, and haven’t had adverse affects at all.
Now, yes video games are a form of escapism, most gaming is. Then again, so are movies, books, and other media. It can take you to a far away place or a place that doesn’t exist. However, I doubt that they are the root cause in what is wrong with our youth. In cases of people perpetuating violence (See Columbine), it seems that folks who use mediums for example video games who can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality had problems prior to their violent acts, and it would not have changed, even if there were no video games or television. It’s a shame that things that are supposed to be expressive such as
Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t a lot of violence and sexuality in video games. But, I’m not so easy to peg them for the worlds problems (Bad education, no health care, unemployment, War, etc.). For every video game that has sex and violence there are some used for education, for learning and in a more positive way. It’s like any medium, it depends on what it is meant to do.
Part the third: Why Good Parenting will rule out most problems…
Just like safe guarding your kids on the interwebs, in order to make sure your kids don’t have adverse effects due to video games, it comes down to good parenting. Sadly, most folks would rather let the net and TV raise their kids or stop for a second to check if their kids are doing alright. I’m not talking about the parents that are working several jobs or one long job, trying to make ends meat mind you. Well, the kids are not alright, Virginia. In order to assure that your kid is getting
Limit Video game time: I couldn’t play video games unless it was on the weekend, and that I had my homework done and triple checked by the parents. Plus, they wanted me to go outside and get fresh air.
Check the label of your video games: just like you wouldn’t bring your 5 year old to an NC-17 movie (Unless you were covering their eyes and ears most of the time.) or let your youngin’ watch Nip/Tuck, you would not get your kid a M rated game if they’re extremely young. The ESRB is a rating system for games. It goes something like this:
EC- Means Early Childhood. Its ok for kids who are 3 years old and up. An example is the Dr. Brain series
E: Everyone. Everyone can play this video game, its like the equivalent of G rated movies almost. ex. Mario, Sonic and a few of the legend of Zelda games.
E-10+: Everyone from ages 10 and up: It might have more cartoon violence than E rated games, I suppose the equivalent would be Y-7 for tv and possibly PG for movies. Ex. Kingdom Hearts 2 (one of my favorite games btw)
Teen: Content thats appropriate for ages 13 and up. It might be because of blood or crude humor. Equivilant would be of PG-13. Ex. Prince of Persia: the sands of time.
Mature: For ages 17 and up. Equivalent would be NC-17 or R for movies and R for Television. Ex. Mortal Kombat, Elder Scrolls IV, and Resident Evil.
Adults only: only 18 years old and up. Ex. GTA San Andreas
Insure that you know what your kid is playing: A problem I’ve seen is that parents instead of getting mad at finding their kid playing an inappropriate video game that they’ve bought with their own money, instead of handling it by going after the store and whatever clerk that let their kid buy a non age appropriate video game, they go after the company that created the video game. A tad backwards. If you find your kid with a video game that isn’t right, you have to talk to your child and explain why they can’t play it til their older, discipline their child then go to the store and handle the problem.
I feel that a lot of bad things could be avoided if some parent’s would give their children the tools that they need to go out there. Video Games are not inheriently good or inheriently evil, even though they can be used positively or negatively, its up to the person who uses it in the end. I’m done with my little rant. Have a good day. 🙂
Since I wrote my previous post, I decided to read the news, like i do most mornings and I picked out a few stories that I feel prove the point that there are a lot of scarier shit going down than GLBT americans being in the Military without fear of losing their jobs or being shoved so far in the closet they can find Narnia. Thank you.
US war veterans need more mental help -study
By Andrew Stern
CHICAGO, March 12 (Reuters) – Almost one-third of U.S. soldiers seeking government health care after returning fromIraq and Afghanistan are diagnosed with a mental problem, researchers said on Monday in a study calling for more emphasis on the mental wounds of war. Diagnoses of post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, substance abuse and other problems were most prevalent among younger soldiers, the veterans study found. The challenge to provide better care to soldiers with mental problems as well as physical wounds comes amid revelations of substandard care at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington and other Veterans Affairs hospitals. The revelations have prompted the resignations of the Army secretary and the Army surgeon general. Study author Dr. Karen Seal of the University of California and the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center said the prevalence of mental problems among veterans threatens “to bring the war back home as a costly personal and public health burden.” “Our results signal a need for improvements in the primary prevention of military service-related mental health disorders, particularly among our youngest service members,” Seal wrote in the Archives of Internal Medicine.The study found that 25 percent of U.S. veterans returning from conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan sought government-sponsored care, compared to 10 percent of Vietnam war veterans.
Corps placed faulty pumps in New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS — The Army Corps of Engineers, rushing to meet President Bush’s promise to protect New Orleans by the start of the 2006 hurricane season, installed defective flood-control pumps last year despite warnings from its own expert that the equipment would fail during a storm, according to documents obtained by The Associated Press.
The 2006 hurricane season turned out to be mild, and the new pumps were never pressed into action. But the Corps and the politically connected manufacturer of the equipment are still struggling to get the 34 heavy-duty pumps working properly.
The pumps are now being pulled out and overhauled because of excessive vibration, Corps officials said. Other problems have included overheated engines, broken hoses and blown gaskets, according to the documents obtained by the AP.
Definitions of Moral:
relating to principles of right and wrong; i.e. to morals or ethics; “moral philosophy” concerned with principles of right and wrong or conforming to standards of behavior and character based on those principles; “moral sense”; “a moral scrutiny”; “a moral lesson”; “a moral quandary”; “moral convictions”; “a moral life”ethical: adhering to ethical and moral principles; “it seems ethical and right”; “followed the only honorable course of action”; “had the moral courage to stand alone”
arising from the sense of right and wrong; “a moral obligation”
the significance of a story or event; “the moral of the story is to love thy neighbor”
psychological rather than physical or tangible in effect; “a moral victory”; “moral support”
Now, my disclaimer, even though I for damn sure don’t agree with him in any shape or form or fashion, he has the right to say what he wants as free speech, and I am a strong believer of free speech, even though I may not agree with it or find it completely hate filled dreck. With that being said…
You want to know what I find morally wrong? I find that its wrong that there have been cases of autistic, sociopathic people, folks with violent criminal histories and Neo nazis getting enlisted and yet needed Gay soldiers who are linguists (including ones who were experts of Arabic languages) under “Don’t Ask, Don’t tell” are getting dismissed. I find it wrong that folks think that the “gay lifestyle” is such a problem when several countries have openly gay officers with no adverse effects to moral. In the advent of Gitmo,Abeer Qassim Hamza al-Janabi, and now Walter Reed, queers in the military should be the last thing the US Armed forces should be worried about. And another thing, I’m sick and tired of people saying that being gay is a lifestyle. No one choses to be gay, the only choice is if the person is GLBT is to live their lives truly or living their life in denile. see: Ted Haggard.
If, by lifestyle, they mean the sex aspect, in the terms of a relationship, that is a small part of an overall lifetime, and I’m sure gay folks do more than shag. I shall put it to you this way, no straight person wants to be equated to only their sex lives: considering folks have jobs, hobbies, people to be caretakers to and other things than just plain sex. But, I digress…
I find it disgusting that men and women who pay taxes, obey laws and just want to be treated like human beings, decide to sacrifice their time, effort and have to at best pretend that they are something they are not, hide an important part of themselves and in turn their sig others/family in order to keep their job. And, the worst part about it, is that they go out putting their lives on the line to protect supposed “good” supposidly “moral” people who hate them and would have them live the lives of second and third class citizenry. That is if they don’t want them dead first. I’ll be glad when one day GLBT folks will not be seen as the supreme evil, when their rights will not be seen as the foreshadowing of the unraviling of society and that they’ll be able to defend this country without fear of losing their livelihood or physical reprisal.
Folks like Pace and his ilk have nothing to do with Morality,ethics or honor whatsoever, and that is the saddest truth of all….
After a long hiatus because of moving, and graduating and trip and all that good stuff I write again….for a good reason…
You see, there is a blogger who’s writing I admire, her blog is called Shakespeares’ Sister. Her name is Melissa. Her and another blogger who’s work I like named Amanda became part time consultants for John Edward’s campaign. Things were going well until a fellow by the name of Bill Donahue Apparently, Mr. D. didn’t like their critisms (On their own personal blogs mind you, not on Edward’s actual) of the catholic church, and called them bigots.
We’re not even going to get into the threats and the namecalling and rampant hate and misagony that the girls had to deal with. We’ll just say they were called, in my grandma’s words “Everything but a child of god”.
They both bowed out, not because they were made to by the campaign but after all the idealogical smackdown due to trolls and the exposure to their families, they had it. They stepped down to insure that the canidate that they believed in didn’t take a massive hit, thanks to a fundie and a bunch of “Brave souls” who like to intimidate women from the privacy of their machines.
See, in my experience with Christians, they fall into 3 Categories: Those who actually follow Jesus’ teachings of love, helping their fellow man, forgiveness, non judgement and compassion. I’ve been fortunate to have several of these folks as friends…
There are those who are passive in their christainty, because its more of a routine rather than part of their lives, probably because thats all they know.
The last kind are probably the most scary, and I’m sure every religion has one. The ones who never question and follow their religion with unblinding loyalty. Anyone who questions them is a threat and anyone who doesn’t believe in what they believe are threats of the highest caliber, even if that is by just existing. They throw words of hate and actions of malice while not realising they are acting in the exact opposite of their master’s teachings. In gamer and comic speak, we call those fanboys/bois
I don’t hate Jesus, I don’t hate christianity. I do dislike Jesus’ fanboi’s however….
Because, we all know that sinful women like this should be stopped. You know, for pointing out folks who believe that if a woman gets pregnant, no matter what circumstances should have it. Folks who believe in a religion who’s structure plays the shell game with hiding and moving pedophiles on unsuspecting families but hates gays and dislikes women in power positions. end/sarcasm
A tad bit contradictory to the original message, don’t you think?
I believe that Shakes and Amanda expressed more class and dignity than their attackers who are supposed to be followers of God. I believe very much God And I believe that true, honest, sincere followers of Christ wouldn’t threaten or wish harm on women, especially over the internet to further their cowardice.
Shakes and Amanda, keep writing, keep telling the truth and don’t let idiots silence your voice. Besides your intelligence, its the most important tool we have on this earth…
Well, I’m back with a quick post. First thing, Happy Halloween/Pagan new year. I’ve been buried in so much programing lately it isn’t funny. And I thought making websites was going to be fun, wrong kiddies. But, I digress….
The main thing thats been swirling in my mind as of late has been a matter that has hit close to home. See, I’m from Chicago, and there’s a singer who’s from there that you may have heard about who’s on trial by the name of R. Kelly….There is a gifted writer by the name of Jennifer Daniels who wrote a piece on a BET blog about the trial. The link is here:
Well, the responses were mostly appalling, ranging from the downright stupid to the downright sad.
I’ll probably get flamed to death for what I’m about to say, so I might as well say it….
R. Kelly supporters…..WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YA’LL??? I mean seriously, I’m not saying that ya’ll are crazy but please, explain. What exact mode of logic are ya’ll running on?
The main arguments that I’m sick of hearing about:
Just because we enjoy his music doesn’t mean we condone his actions….
No, that just makes you passive. The man has repeated deviant behavior towards minors and yet you still fund him by buying his albums, going to his concerts and turning an apathetic laden blind eye to the fact that the richer he becomes the more he could use his gains to pursue more young black girls.
Can you say the word “enable” kiddies? I knew you could.
It’s the girl’s fault, for being “hot assed” where were her parents? She’s a little…
STOP RIGHT NOW! While it may be true that some girls act way beyond their age limits (then again who didn’t at that age) that last time I checked, Robert is an adult and simply put HIS ASS SHOULD KNOW BETTER. But no, you must call his victims (allegedly) everything but, as my mom would say “a child of god” saying that they are slutty and deserved it. What the hell is wrong with ya’ll? And people wonder why some of the victims chose to take settlements instead of going to court. With (lack of) support from your own community, would you like to be dragged through the mud on a stand and have to relive all that happened? It reminds me of a speaker I had in my self defense class. She said many women chose not to go to trial because its like getting violated all over again.
I don’t care if the girls in question were running around his front lawn naked doing cartwheels, R. Kelly is grown and last time I checked, the legal age of consent in IL is not 14 if your partner is a grown ass man. He should of either said no, or maybe have consensual sex with someone around his age. (What a novel fucking concept.)
If R. Kelly wasn’t a rich, successful singer and the little girl was your daughter/niece, cousin, godchild, friend’s daughter etc. would you say those things? No, you wouldn’t even think them silently let alone say them out loud. It’s a lot easier to tear down a young victim rather than hold a middle aged man accountable these days….
He’s innocent until proven guilty. Why can’t you be supportive of your fellow brother, why can’t we get along and live in harmony and unity?
Last time I checked, Mom and Dad only had one child and that was me, so teh R. ain’t my brother. As for uplifting our community, I’m sorry for sounding cold, but I’ll save my uplifting for someone who deserves it, I.E. someone who uplifts.
If he wasn’t a star, if he didn’t have the twin cannons of wealth and status on his side, would anyone even defend him, except his lawyer(s) I mean. No, he would more than likely rot in jail. But because, 1. he can sing, 2. he has money and 3. he’s black, I’m supposed to shut up, get out my little red, black and green pom-poms and be supportive. Negro, please! What message are we sending to our community, especially our black girls who will one day become black women? “You mean the world to us, but if you get molested by a superstar then you’re SOL. Sorry.” What a way to show our love and how much we value black females.
I’m sorry that this seems so negative but it’s been on my mind for a long time. How can we grow as a community when we can’t even hold a member of it accountable for their actions, which we know are negative and detrimental?
Today in Cultural Anthropology, we talked about Margaret Mead. She stated that because our culture lacks a puberty ceremony (A ceremony to signify that you are an adult and afterwards are regarded as such) and that we elongate the period between childhood and adulthood that it impacts the stressfulness of adolescence. That being said, I’m inclined to agree with her on some points.I’m liked to agree that in this country, though we value innocence, we draw the entire period between adult hood and childhood. Now, I’m not saying we should blame the whole of society’s ills on this, but it could be a mitigating factor. In case you haven’t heard the memo, adolescence sucks. It’s a period of stress and frustration that most adults would never want to travel through again.
Kids are not the fragile innocent creatures we portray them as. Kids are going to grow up, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. They should be able to mature at their own pace, no faster or slower because both can be detrimental. You cannot have your children raised both ways. You can’t say, you cannot do or say or think something because you are a child and then in the same breath state that you have to do or say or think something because you are an adult. It’s kinda hard to grow as a mature fully functioning adult if you’re getting mixed signals. Sorry I got all ranty, but these are the random thoughts that were going through my head. Tommorow, I’ll be writing about the reaction to the class topic….which will be….Abortion!
We can do so many things with our sexual partners, unspeakable dirty filthy disguisting things, (some fun, others not) but what ever happened to kissing? What ever happened to looking in your partner’s eyes after giving them a kiss on the forehead? Why does playtime have to be an option rather than manditory? What ever happened to not just slapping together various body parts….Instead of boaring a hole through me physically why can’t you kiss my soul, hold my heart, excite my mind til I explode? I guess i’m too old fashioned…
Thoughts on marriage…
So in cultural anthropology, we discussed arranged marriages in class. In this country, about ½ of all marriages end in divorce court. However, 85% of arraigned marriages however are successful. Why is that?
For one, this western culture blows the idea of romance out of epic proportions. It’s a huge trap that you’re supposed to one day instantaneously find this perfect person who’s got great looks and body and says all the right things and can read your mind and rock your socks off in bed and you’ll have this intense amount of feelings forever and will make life all better. It’s so not true. Many people end up passing the right person for them by for stupid reasons. (I’m not stating that you shouldn’t have an attraction or good sex with your mate at all. However, that shouldn’t be the only motivating factor in your relationship either….) If you’re not happy with yourself by yourself or your life as is, then how are you going to share it with anybody else? And another thing, how the hell are you going to be with someone if you don’t have a firm grasp of who you are as a person? You have to know that going in otherwise your identity will disappear and things will go down the window….
And, I don’t dig the concept of soul mates, at least not in the romantic sense. I believe a soul mate can be anyone you were meant to meet along life’s path (a friend, a family member) that you share a strong bond with. In romance, I believe in the term life mate, a person who will be your lover, your best friend and will share the journey of your life with you, where you’ll both be together but still individuals. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to toss out who you or your mate is as a person, and many people, my parents and myself included have fallen into that trap.
Three, it’s all about work. Not only work as in treating your marriage like a job you must begrudgingly go to everyday but as an investment. You have to put time and effort and have a united front against troubles that abound. It seems to me lately; in marriages brides and grooms spend more time focusing on the actual ceremony and party than putting effort into knowing their spouses and working through problems. My friend Aurora, who recently got married, told me that it takes a lot of work and communication to keep a happy stable relationship. If you don’t have a strong foundation of friendship/mature love to stand on when sometimes the physical fades, then you’re screwed. I’m not saying however that you should ignore you or your mate’s physical needs. Relationships need a lot of nurturing, a lot of communication and effort. But, most things worth doing aren’t easy. Not to say every day is going to be a picnic but everyday isn’t going to be chain gang work either.
I believe love is an ever evolving animal, but a beautiful one, even though at times it can sting.